How I Helped My Wife Deal With Tokophobia

There was an experiment where several men tried to feel the pain of childbirth. They had a machine placed on their abdomen to inflict and resemble the pain, and no one could bear the most intense level. Most of them pushed the button given to them which would indicate that they are giving up.

“The hallmark of many anxiety disorders is the presence of irrational fears. Some people who suffer from anxiety disorders know that their fears are irrational, and some don’t.” – Samantha Rodman, Clinical Psychologist.


It is hard when two people love each other so much, and they are both sure what they want in life – to build a family that they will both nurture and cherish. What if your wife has tokophobia or the fear of childbirth? How would you make your dream of creating a family happen?

Tokophobia, like any other phobias, has an uncertain cause, yet experts believe that phobias are from post-traumatic life experiences. So tokophobia can be from knowing someone who has suffered or died from childbirth. It could also be from the videos or stories we see on social media. Childbirth, after all, is the most painful natural experience that could happen to a woman.

Amy Wenzel, a clinical psychologist, wrote, “There is a lot of pain associated with labor and delivery and certainly your body goes through such a major transformation, so for a person who has difficulty tolerating risk and uncertainty, it can be an excruciating time.”

Women who have a history of anxiety and depression are already at risk for

I, Ethan, and my wife Yani, always dreamed of having kids, two to be exact: a girl and a boy. We imagined that the boy would look like her and the girl would look like me. It is like having the little version of us roam around the house, but when we finally decided to go for it, she started to act oddly, like she was always scared or something. I then learned that she is afraid of childbirth.

Being her partner, I knew it was my obligation to help her. I do not want her to carry a baby inside her when she is not comfortable with it. I knew she wanted it, but I wanted her to feel the positivity in childbirth.


How I Helped my Wife Conquer Her Fear Of Childbirth:

“The key here,” says Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD., “is to identify it as what it sounds like it is, tokophobia, and seek treatment from a mental health professional that has some experience. You may want to ask the OBGYN community who they refer to for this.”

  • Talked Her Out Of Her Fear

I told her positive words that will balance the fear she is feeling. “Yes, it is painful, but wouldn’t it be worth it to see our little one sleeping soundly in your arms? It is one step we have to take to fulfill our dreams, and I will always be by your side all throughout.”



  • Exposed Her To Babies

Babies make our heart melt, especially when they smile. Expose her to this feeling, and it will overcome the fear that she feels. Do this every single day until there is nothing else for her to feel but excitement.


  • Made Her Feel Overwhelmed With Love And Care

It is essential that your wife feels loved. Exaggerate if you can, as long as she feels secure. If she feels overwhelmed with how much you make her feel important, it makes her stronger and more determined to face even her fear.


It was not an easy journey for us as it is always easier said than done. It takes a lot of patience and willingness to get a positive result, but I realized that facing our fear is like chasing our dreams. If we did not do it, we would not have Ash and Shannon jumping up and down our bed and running around the kitchen. Looking at them, she would ask herself, “Why did I ever fear,” and smiling with satisfaction. In case you need additional information, you can visit You can also check out some of their interesting articles post on LinkedIn as well as on their Facebook page.